Its been several weeks since I graduated college and now I am about to take two more classes this summer- FUN- Not; during this time off this summer I am truly seeking God with more consistence, not perfection by any means, but with a hope and a desire that the next page of my life will be the right step.
I have a habit of overdoing my stay and an example would be after I graduated high school I was the only one in my class to stick around our church for five years after instead of making progress to bring more glory to God and advance our churches mission. I have a tendency to find a hill and stay on it, and I am making sure that the next chapter of my life will not be like that.
I want to move with God and grow with Him and bring glory to Him, because my focus is changing from it being “all about me and what I want” to forming a solid worldview on which I can live from. I have to be consistent and take time out of my day to commune in fellowship with Jesus to make sure that I am hearing Him and not just doing the right thing. I want to breath without fear, laugh freely and hope without doubt again. I know that I am taking baby steps towards these things again and forming a consistent biblical worldview in which I can live from with a free conscious, share with others knowing that it may give them some insight into there own pain and defend against critics without being disagreeable. I have several projects that I am going to start working on and I hope to get them completed by the summer. Remember this always:
"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33
Monday, May 4, 2009
Two Years Later- I Still Love You
You still remember the morning don’t you? Chaotic, crazy, unknowing and miserable to say the least. We trusted God- the sovereign King and ruler of the universe together- but yet the fate of the world was uncertain at the time. So we prayed without ceasing, we hoped beyond anything we had and we sought heaven together for an explanation. Together we made a decision, well you made the best one for me because at the time I really needed the counsel of the godly and wisdom of friends and I didn’t know what to do because the darkness of pain filled my eyes and my soul had collapsed; without you I would have died on the spot; without your prayers I would have given God back His gift; without you believing in me, supporting me, and praying for me I would have died in that moment.
The day I left I was strong in face, broken in heart and empty in spirit. I said all the right words to you but in my closet I cursed God and wanted nothing more to do with Him. For you I still prayed for good but for myself I wanted nothing more than death because no longer where we sharing the joy of fellowship with one another. I missed and still miss you. I missed marriages, graduations, births, successes and the chance to pray with you again. We talked every now and then, some went away because life had changed, some call every now and then and others are still in my back pocket. But the whole time I must confess I went insane.
I hung up my moral character and beat God everyday with guilt, hurt and pain. “He had made a mistake”- I shouted this though my tears. I didn’t sleep, I didn’t cry, I was just still. For a year and half my soul stood in silence. I made changes, had joys and accomplished many things some would say on the outside, but after 5pm I became someone I wasn’t- because I couldn’t let go of that day when I had to say good bye to my crew. Its been two years now and things are better. I have learned that time doesn’t heal, only God can teach you how to manage. I have learned that old times and old memories don’t have to be put away, and that you can find joy through pain, progress and re- define your purpose and take the stones that where throne at you and make them into stepping stones.
I realized that people change and you can’t get mad at them because they do- life changes- and we must learn to adjust with life. You get one ride; so buckle up, open your eyes and brace yourself. Because each day take you down a different road and every path wont last and your destiny is not determined by you, or influenced by others- its all God. So listen to Him who is able to keep you until the PERFECT day of His Son. Listen to yourself and trust what you know to be true, even the best intentioned people can’t make tell you who you have been created to be, you know who your are, so don’t doubt it otherwise after tragedy strikes then you will only confuse yourself more.
In the end we had the best of times- I have never meet to this day a group of individuals who I still remember: the times we laughed all night long, Fought for weeks at a times, random trips to Florida, thinking that my roommate would be black because his name was Derek Jones, meeting- hating-loving Whit Hill- now Jones; Zac showing me the slave fences by his house and smoking cigs with his mom, me and Leah “gossiping in highschool”- LOL inside joke, Nick Crouse’s IT factor, Tina Crouse WHERE IS MY SUITCASE- LOL and meeting Joel “the Next Generation” Crouse (If you use that for your stage name give me the credit- LOL ) and I never got Tom Crouse’s book, Aaron Hale- why did I ever work at family Christian bookstore- LOL, taking becky to the ghetto, Andy and Lorie Vance- we still need to write that book, John, Allison, Kevin, Dave and the Dr. Almon class crew- those where the best times of our lives- lol!!! Pastor Megan and Jeremy- I miss you much!!! And there’s nothing like a good ole talking from a Alabama man name Sweet Tea- lol… Zac tell Corey to clean his room- lol… Taryn Walker- what a funny girl… GREG GIBSON MY MAIN MAN!!! Highview Baptist- 1 church 7 locations, Big Daddy Mohler- I still remember when I first went into there house- MAN THAT WAS AWESOME!!! And who came up with the name “Blank Check”-lol and Gage How did you get that small room and I always wanted to be on that hall with Buck AKA BUCIK and Dan Mac Daddy and meeting Lauren Duncan MOM- what a nice lady!!! Too many memories to count and remember we never said good bye family just see ya later….. and even though its been two years know that soon and very soon you will see the return…. Things may change but our love has stayed the same…
God Bless All of You and Remember Bobby Loves You and is still praying for you!!!
Your Bishop Bobby House III- Proberbs 3:5-7