Wednesday, January 6, 2010
I’m turning 25 years old this year- wow is all I can say. I still remember being a kid in my first Muny play “We Pals” I think was the name of it. I remember sitting between my grandparents when my grandmother Margret went to heaven, wondering as a child where was heaven because I wanted to go there to0. I remember being 11 years old and God calling me to salvation and what that was like, not knowing what was going on, just feeling the pull of the Spirit to pursue God and go to the altar and ask Jesus into my heart. At 15 he called me into the ministry at a David Nassar conference in Tennessee and that was my 1st life changing moment. I remember my 1st kiss, my 1st cigarette, my first love, my first drink, the first time my heart was broken and all the 1st that go into someone’s live. I remember the 1st roommate- Derek Jones. I remember the moment when I first felt hopeless: it was then when I felt like God was an abstract being. My first presidential vote and so many other 1st that have shaped me into the person I am today; 1st church that I worked on staff, 1st college ext.
For me I like controlled atmospheres, I like to know where things are and to have a say in what is going on. It is not because my motives are wrong but rather I want to be structured in the way that things go; because…. Truthfully I am scared of the unknown; not scared of death because I know where I am going. But scared in a lot of ways of tomorrow because she holds her own future.
Today I realized that I can no longer be in control. I have helped to set certain things up, and now I must let them go. I think that I have had my rightful place and have been given a fair chance in the lives of people and in situations to say my point of view. Now comes the time where I step back. This is good. This is to the glory of the father, because now is the time for me to leave and to live. In my flesh I want things to stay the same forever, never changing, but in the way I have tried to lay them out. But even thinking of that I laid them out so they could go, now I must let them go. Am I going to cry- yes. Am I going to hurt- yes. But all of this will be pain of joy. This is what I have prayed for and this is what I have tried to help come to pass; now this is what must take place. I have been here before. But maybe because the roots are a little different is why it feels the way it does. I will glory in God for seeing His plan go forth. And I will now wait until the new mission comes along.
In this new season of my life I am going to step back and focus on school and ministry. I am going to try to develop better spiritual disciplines and allow the word of the Lord to soak into my everyday actions. I am going to breath a little easier, take care of myself a little more, and trust that God will hear my cry. I am not going to react. I am not going to be upset. I am going to live, because it’s about time. I have gathered myself and my emotions, asked for forgiveness from God and people who I have hurt and now I am going to focus on the next 25 years.
Political predictions for 2010 that will make news:
• Republicans will gain at least three Senate seats (Connecticut, Nevada, and Arkansas) and Hold on to Missouri since Kit Bond (But this is only if health care reform passes and conservatives actually come out to the polls in Missouri) is stepping down.
• Obama will get health care reform and a climate bill passed and he will get rid of don’t ask don’t tell in the military.